Trowa Talks to Rocks
by bunniculasama
Summary: Relena kidnaps Heero and its up to Duo and the others to save him... will they make it in time?
1. Into the Labyrinth

Trowa Talks to Rocks  
  
Reader-  
  
Before we get into anything... a few warnings. The idea for this fic came like a bolt out of the blue in the middle of the night while I was riding highs from too much sugar and too much time on my hands. This is a fusion between Gundam Wing and the Labyrinth. Just so that you know, we did some tweaking with characters and had fun with it. Please don't hate us because we're nuts. Love, Bunnicula-sama  
  
I don't own Gundam Wing or the Labyrinth, much to my enduring pain and sorrow.  
  
Another day was winding down and Duo was having fun with his favorite hobby, annoying the hell out of Heero Yuy. "Whatcha up to, Hee-chan?"  
  
Currently enjoying his own hobby, Heero was slouched at his laptop wishing for all the world that Duo would disappear, "Go away, Maxwell."  
  
"But I'm bored, Hee-baby... common!"  
  
"Can't you go an bother some one else with all your inane yammering?"  
  
"You cut me deep, Heero. Everyone else is on a mission! You know, you don't appreciate me as much as you should."  
  
Heero actually paused at his work and lifted an eyebrow at Duo's words, "Oh yeah? And why is that?"  
  
A grin that would have put the cheshire cat's to shame stretched across Duo's face, "Oh, didn't you know, Hee-chan? I keep you safe from the Goblin Queen. You see, as the God of Death, she must answer to me, but she wants you. It's only my good will that keeps you safe with us and away from her."  
  
In a kingdom far away, several goblins sitrred from their slumber at the mention of thier queen. They saw that it was indeed the God of Death speaking. They began to pay more attention to his words, waiting to see if he would give the sign that their Queen hoped for. It seemed that the braided one was going to relinquish his hold on Heero.  
  
Meanwhile, Heero laughed at Duo's strange story, actually, he just kind of snorted, then sifted his gaze back to the glowing screen. "She can't be any worse than you, Duo."  
  
A twinge of pain flashed in Duo's eyes, but he never let his grin waver. Instead, he threw his arms wide and yellled theatrically, "Goblin Queen, Goblin Queen, take this Perfect Soldier away from me!"  
  
The goblins frowned at this. These weren't the words they wanted to hear! They were close, granted, but they didn't even start with "I wish!"  
  
"Damn it, Duo, I'm trying to work! Right now I'd rather be locked in a room filled with Relenas than put up with this any longer."  
  
Now that killed Duo's grin. In a huff, he spun away from the desk that Heero was perched atand plopped onto his own bed. Turning his back to the Japanese boy and muttered under his breath, "I wish the Goblin Queen would come take you away... right now."  
  
As soon as the words fell from his lips, the light from Heero's laptop died, bathing the room in an eerie darkness. Seized by a sudden panic, Duo sat up in bed. "Heero?"  
  
But no answer came to him, only low, evil sounding snickers from around the room. Duo rose, quickly crossing to the desk where Heero had, until recently, been working. "Heero, this isn't funny, where did you go?"  
  
"He can't hear you, you know, Oh Mighty God of Death." The voice seemed to come from underneath Heero's desk, but Duo saw nothing there. The snickers only increased.  
  
Tapping at the window brought Duo's attention. There he saw a large, gaudy, pink parrot break in the room. Without warning, it morphed into the one thing that could make Duo scream out in fear, Relena Peacecraft.  
  
"Relena, where did you take Heero? Bring him back right now!"  
  
"What's said it said, Duo, plus, its Queen Relena to street trash like you."  
  
"Damn it, Relena! I don't have time for this. You know as well as I do that we need Heero here to win peace. You remember peace right? Or have we been drooling over Heero so long that we forgot about the war?"  
  
At that comment she seemed to smirk. "We indeed, Maxwell. We indeed."  
  
Thankful that the darkness covered the blush that was quickly spreading across his cheeks, he pressed on, unwilling to grant Relena a victory. "Oh come on, Your Pinkess, give Heero back!"  
  
"You want him back, you'll have to come and claim him."  
  
"Oh, I'll be there, Pinkie."  
  
"Good." The room seemed to brighten, and suddenlt Duo found himself standing on a hill overlooking a vast labyrinth. "He lies there, in my castle beyond the Goblin City."  
  
"Is that what you kids are calling the Sank Kingdom these days?"  
  
"Funny, Maxwell, just keep laughing. You have thirteen hours to solve the Labyrinth. Fail, and Heero's mine forever."  
  
"Like I'd give you the pleasure." Duo sneered.  
  
"Better run, Street Rat... the clock is ticking." With that, Relena faded away leaving Duo alone and facing the biggest challenge he'd ever seen.  
  
No matter how great the challenge, however, Duo was not one to let it beat him. "Come on, feet, let's go." However, as he drew nearer to the Labyrinth he started to notice some strange things... like Quatre pissing into a fountain.  
  
"Oi, Quat, what are you doing?"  
  
"Pardon me!" the small blonde cried, quickly zipping up his pants and wiping his hands. Upon seeing it was Duo, he seemed to relax. "Oh, it's just you."  
  
"Well, I'm happy to see you too, Quatre." Duo spat sarcastically. "But what are you doing here?"  
  
The Arabian seemed to sigh with his whole body, a look of defeat on his face, "Relena told me I had to help her or else she'd tell her brother where we've been hiding."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Duo, have you been living in a cave for the whole war? Relena's brother, Milliardo Peacecraft is Zechs Marquise!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"He'll come and blow us up! End of war, we lose!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yeah, bit of a fix there, isn't it? So I have to help her."  
  
"Do you know where the door to this thing is?"  
  
"The door to what, Duo?"  
  
"You know damn well what door I'm talking about."  
  
"'Fraid you'll have to be more specific, Duo. You have to ask the right question."  
  
Exasperated at the Sandrock Pilot, Duo threw up his hands and demanded, "How do I get into the damned Labyrinth, Quatre!"  
  
"Ah, you get in through that elaborately decorated door we just walked by."  
  
Duo glared at Quatre, a glare that put most of Heero's to shame. "Gee, thanks Winner."  
  
He strode through the opening doors with more confidence than he felt. To either side of him, the hallway he found himself in seemed to stretch on to eternity. To be honest, one way looked just the same as the other, and hopelessness began to descend around the Pilot of the Deathscythe.  
  
"Oi, Quat, which way would you go?"  
  
"To be honest, Duo, I wouldn't go either way." He seemed to want to elaborate... but due to Relena's threat, he couldn't.  
  
"Once again, Quatre, your outstanding help has left me speechless." He turned away. "Eanie meanie, meinie, mo." Duo jerked his thumb to the right and set off. It occurred to him that it was kinda funny, leaving Heero's fate to a game of eanie meanie, but hey. Checking his watch, he swore when he saw that his talk with Quatre had cost him a half hour. "Just another episode of wasting time with Quatre."(2)  
  
However, the hallway really was stretching on forever, and Duo was left with the distinct impression he was wasting time that he really didn't have. Time that Heero really didn't have. Fed up, he stopped abruptly and kicked the wall, throwing himself against the opposite wall. He landed in a heap against it. "Damn you, Relena! Damn, damn, damn!"  
  
"'ello!" Said a small voice next to his ear.  
  
"What?" Duo turned to see a miniature Pagan sitting next to him on a brick. "Did you just say hello?"  
  
"No, I said 'ello, but close enough. Come inside! Meet the missus."  
  
"Uh, no, that's alright, little man. Hey, do you know the way through this thing?"  
  
"Who me? No, I'm just Miss Relena's humble servant, sir. But, please, come inside, have some tea!"  
  
"Sorry, dude, but I gotta solve this maze. Why do they even call it a labyrinth anyway? There aren't any twists or turns or doors or anything."  
  
"Sure there are, Dear Boy, there's one right across the way from you!"  
  
"What? Don't tell me that I've walked past more than just the front door."  
  
"'Fraid so, Dear Boy."  
  
"Damn it, Heero was right, I am a moron."  
  
"Eh, don't be too hard on yourself. Are you sure you don't want any tea?"  
  
"No, that's alright, buddy, thanks for your help." Duo stood gracefully, feeling recharged at the prospect of making headway on the Labyrinth. Turning once more to his right, Duo almost starting whistling when the chibi-Pagan spoke once more, "Oh, don't go that way, never go that way."  
  
"Oi, thanks, Little Buddy."  
  
With a wink and a nod, Duo was running down the path, gone to far to hear Little Pagan say, "That way goes straight to that awful castle."  
  
(1.) Oh come on, if David Bowie is an owl, Relena has to be some sort of bird to, so what suites her better than a pink parrot? its Loud, obnoxious, and well, pink!  
  
.) We had to... it's such a great movie! 


	2. Dancing the Magic Dance OF DOOM!

So I feel incredibly stupid. I posted the wrong chapter as two. That  
was, in reality, chapter three. So here's the real chapter two.  
  
0.0  
  
Heero's head was ringing when he finally came to. The next thing he  
felt was cold. He was on the floor. What had happened? Had he passed  
out? He sat up slowing, realizing that he was no longer in the room  
that he and Duo shared, but in some sort of... castle? "What the  
hell?"  
  
"Heeeeeeeeeeeerrooooooooooo! You're finally awake!"  
  
Fear coursed through Heero's veins like ice water. "Relena?"  
  
"Oh, Heero, I know it must have been awful for you, but its all better  
now! You'll never have to put up with Duo again!"  
  
"What?" That was not an entirely wonderful prospect.  
  
Relena laughed, sounding more like a witch cackling than anything  
else. "I heard what you said to Duo. I heard that you'd rather be with  
me instead of him. So when he wished for me to talk you away, well of  
course I scooped you right up. We'll be together forever!"  
  
The walls seemed to close in on him, and it left Heero with a nearly  
animalistic need to claw his way out of where ever he was, but Relena  
had other plans. "Heero, in eleven and a half hours, we're going to be  
married. To celebrate, I had a poet write a song for us. Let me sing  
it to you."  
  
She gestured to a diminutive blonde man in the corner of the room.  
Using her authoritive voice, (that always kinda bordered on whiney in  
Heero's ears) she called, "Laureate Ziggy Stardust!"  
  
The man strolled to her slowly, his hand clenching a slip of paper.  
Bowing slightly in front of her, he raised an eyebrow, "Your majesty,  
is it an entirely good idea to, erm, sing?" (1)  
  
Relena snatched the paper from him in frustration. "Look, Laureate  
Stardust, you write, I sing to my Heero." She cleared her throat and  
warbled out what was probably once a very pretty song.  
  
You, you will be king  
  
And I, I will be queen  
  
Though nothing will drive them away  
  
We can beat them, just for one day  
  
We can be Heroes, just for one day  
  
And you, you can be mean  
  
And I, I'll drink all the time  
  
'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact  
  
Yes we're lovers, and that is that  
  
Though nothing, will keep us together  
  
We could steal time, just for one day  
  
We can be Heroes, for ever and ever  
  
What d'you say  
  
Heero wanted to scream that he'd say no, and he'd say it pretty  
fucking loud, but he figured it wouldn't be wise at this juncture.  
Instead, he silently wished for the chance to self destruct.  
  
I, I can remember (I remember)  
  
Standing, by the wall (by the wall)  
  
And the guns shot above our heads (over our heads) (2)  
  
Yeah, Heero remembered the party night at the school, one of the first  
times he met Relena. All the sudden he wished that the wall had fallen  
on Relena. He'd be short one headache right then.  
  
And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)  
  
'We most certainly did not!' Heero thought indignantly.  
  
And the shame was on the other side  
  
Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever  
  
Then we could be Heroes, just for one day  
  
When it was all over, Heero gingerly put his fingers to his ears. He  
had to check for bleeding, because that was awful. Looking around the  
room, he saw hundreds of goblins watching his every move. There was no  
escape.  
  
O.O  
  
(1.) Yes, Virginia, it is David Bowie.  
  
2.) This movie made me into the David Bowie fan I am today, and trust  
me, I felt hella guilty for making Relena into Jareth, but it worked.  
So to make up for it, I injected this song to smooth things over... I  
felt it fit, really. PS, I played with the lyrics, sorry. 


	3. Of Doors and Ozzies

Dum, Dum, Dum... Chapter 2. (ooooooooo, aaaaaaaah)  
  
Still don't own anything  
  
Now that he was out of that blasted hallway, things were definitely looking up for Duo. Pulling a sharpie out of his pocket, he drew little arrows on the floor to help him along the way. It seemed, however, that ink didn't like to stay put in this labyrinth. "Some one's been changing my marks! Damn you, Relena!"  
  
He threw his sharpie against a wall in frustration, throwing himself against the wall behind him, but the wall was missing. Instead, he just fell through, landing in a heap on the floor of a room he was sure was not there a few moments ago. "What the Hell?"  
  
He found he was not alone, in fact, two very familiar faces were leering at him as he stood an brushed himself off. It was none other than Trieze Kushrenada and is tow headed right hand man, Zechs Marquise. Instead of scaring the be-jesus out of his little terrorist heart like he had always thought a sight like that would, he had to clap a hand to his mouth to keep the laughter at bay. OZ's top commanders were dressed like, well, the only thing that came to Duo's mind was the king and jack off of a deck of cards. Each of them had extra hands and heads coming from what looked like their... crotches? It was all too funny.  
  
He stopped laughing though when he noticed they were guarding doors. "Hey, formidable guards and doors! I gotta be getting somewhere! Oi, Ozzies! Where do these doors lead?"  
  
Zechs seemed to snicker and answered glibly, "One of these doors leads straight to the castle. Other leads to - "  
  
Treize piped up with, "Bum bum bum bum."  
  
"Certain death." At that, the two scariest men in the universe began to giggle like little school girls. Duo had to roll his eyes.  
  
"Well, which is which?"  
  
"Which one of us are you asking? Know that you can only ask one of us, and that one of us always lies, and one of us always tells the truth." Trieze seemed to smirk as he added, "I always tell the truth."  
  
"Oh, what a lie!" squealed Zechs in mock outrage.  
  
"This is fucked up. Alright, so one of these doors leads to my, and therefore Heero's certain doom, and one of them leads to the castle. One of you guys always lies, and one of you always tells the truth. Huh." He seemed to mull this idea in his head like one would sample a rare wine before breaking out in one of his trademark grins. "Got it!"  
  
Still grinning like the fool he certainly was not, Duo stood in front of Zechs and demanded, "If I were to ask Trieze if the door on the left lead to the castle, would he say yes or no?"  
  
Zechs seemed taken aback by the question and looked to his other head, the bottom one, sharing words of whispered conversation. Duo tried real hard to not imagine that the Lightening Count was having a conversation with his crotch. Finally, Zechs lifted his head and an eyebrow, slowly said, "Yes?"  
  
"So then the door on the right leads to the castle."  
  
"Are you sure?" asked Trieze. "I could be telling the truth."  
  
"But then Zechs would be lying and it would still be the door on the right."  
  
Zechs looked puzzled for a bit and turned to Trieze, "Does that work?"  
  
Treize seemed to shrug, "I don't really know, I've never understood it."  
  
"Yes, yes it does," declared Duo with confidence as he opened the correct door and strode through. "This is a piece of cake!"  
  
But no sooner did the words fall from his lips did the ground literally open up from underneath Duo and swallow him whole. His last thought before falling was, "Sorry, Hee-chan."  
  
O.O  
  
It was not the end for Duo, however. His fall was broken by many hands, and to his surprise, just hands. "Hey! Lay off the goods! I am not that kind of guy."  
  
A strangely familiar voice seemed to seep in through the walls, "So sorry, Kid, but you looked like you could use a hand."  
  
"Howard? What the hell, where are you?" Suddenly, five or six of the hands melded together to created a parody of Howard's face.  
  
"Oh, you know me, I'm just hanging around... it seems you're finally facing off with that little girl."  
  
"I don't have much choice, Howie, she's got Heero."  
  
"The part-stealer? Nah, let her keep him." The hand made Howard seem to smirk.  
  
"Now you know I can't do that, Howie, my man. Can you give me a hand- er, some hel out of here?"  
  
"Sure, Kid, Which way? Up, or down?"  
  
Duo gave himself some time to ponder this, but the hands were kinda hurting with the way they were gripping... he could only imagine what it would feel like to have to go back up, so he came up with the easiest solution, "Down... I'm already pointed that way."  
  
All of the sudden a chorus of voices, most of which Duo recognized from his time with the Sweepers started babbling, "Down?"  
  
"He said down!"  
  
The way they were freaking out about it, Duo knew he'd made a bad choice, but when he asked them if that was the wrong answer, he simply heard a stout voice reply with, "Too late." Duo was cast into darkness. 


End file.
